Official Newsletter of the WUMBATS

Welcome to the WUMBATS!!!!!!!!!!! This is our very first newsletter for 1999. A typical newsletter features info about our upcoming adventures, the latest dribblings on all sorts of topics (not necessarily related to mountain biking!), dirty details on the best places to ride, sordid stories, piss-takes and good-natured gossip about WUMBATS and lots more.

You have joined the right club for fun in ’99. Whether you are an absolute beginner or a speed racer, we will have trips suited to your skill and fitness level. Our weekend rides alternate between Saturdays and Sundays to give you poor souls with jobs more of a chance to come out and play. The rides are listed in each newsletter with extra information on what the track is like and how long the ride will take. We will also say whether it generally suits beginners, intermediate or advanced riders. Beginners’ rides go slowly from 1-2 hours depending on what you want to do. Intermediate rides last around 2-3 hours while advanced rides sometimes go for more than 3 hours over more demanding terrain. We always stop regularly to munch out on food, take photos and throw Jarrod in the nearest river.

There are some truly awesome tracks and trails out there and many more to be found, so dust the cobwebs off your bikes, oil the chain and come along. Rides are really social and mostly pretty cruisy. Bring along your mates too, even if they’re not members.

We have fortnightly meetings starting March 24th. They are on Wednesdays at

1pm in S1.01 at the University. (If you are unsure of how to get there just ask some sifty-looking student for directions). Bring some lunch to gobble. We update you on rides, races, and STUFF. There will be video action whenever possible, so you can view crazy people demonstrating the latest way to wrap your face around a tree and bend your bike in half while attempting a backwards somersault. (But please don’t try it out on club rides!!) . We would love you to suggest any particular escapades you want to do. We are always open to new forms of fun and places to explore, and this is YOUR club. We also have a knitting circle so bring along that woolly jumper you’re working on. The next meeting focuses on casting off to achieve that perfect edge to the collar and the proper stretch to fit it over your head.

……..He- he- he. Did I just suck you in???

See you at the meetings or ring up any of our committee if you have any questions, or ring my flatmate Melvyn if you want to find out what happened lately on Coronation Street.

Sheryl MacLeod

MARCH

Sun 14^th 9:30am Rotorua, Redwoods Forest. It is not a coincidence that this is the first ride. This is the best. It is perfectomountainbikingmungus for all levels. But wait there's more! for those of you who have been to this place more often than you've wiped your bum, NEW TRACKS. Can this place be any cooler with smooth fast flowing burms and little bumpy things that when you ride over them you go jump de jump. Well yes it can be cooler because Martyn is taking this ride. When I say Martyn is taking this ride I mean he is the organiser boss man and you are his followers. A bit like Captain Planet and the planeteers. But wait there's more, from the city that brought you The Fat Dog Café, there is a new Café Called Zippy Central Café, and that's were all the hip mountain biking geeks hang out, and rumour is that it's well worth a visit. Send no money now! Bring someone else who might want to join the club. All rides meet at the Rec centre carpark at the prearranged times. From here we pile into carpools (sorta like swimming pools only you generally wear more clothes). And we ride. See you there, please do not feed the lions, but please do not be shy.

Sat 20^th 9:00am Tokoroa, Big Rock. Big Rock Rocks! You will probably have a rocking good time. This will also be big. Hence the name Big Rock. I'm not normally one to listen to hear say, gossip, rumours or read woman's weekly however for this ride I'll say that I've heard there is much fun to be had at the luxurious town of Tokoroa when it comes to Mountain biking. Jarrod is the big man for this ride, he'll see you right and make sure you have awesomebikarounus day. Big rock has been accused of being a gnarlier version of Rotorua. I asked the infamous boy racer Jarrod for his opinion of big Rock and this is what he told me "Big Rock is a gnarlier version of Rotovegas" It is not a coincidence that this is the clubs second ride for the year. This is almost the best. The United Nations Peace Keeping Core have informed me that all levels of MTBikers will be pleasurably appreciated on this fine and frosty day.

Sun 28^th 11:00 Te Miro, Less than ½ an hour away this is one of the best way to take a study break or for the majority of you mongrels to get rid of your hangover. Te Miro offers an abundance of amazing maze like single track which intermingles itself surreptitiously through a forest not to dissimilar to the forest in Wind and the Willow. You know the one with badger and the toad (whose name I now cannot recall). Sheryl THE PRESIDENT Macleod will be escorting you on this fanrideupanddownhillsalicous expedition, so, as always she will be on top of things. In terms of riding I mean. Mountain bike riding that is.

APRIL

Sat 3^rd. There is no ride this fine and frosty day as you instead will be searching droolingly around your garden for the Easter eggs, that you still believe the Easter bunny will bring you. Well wake up and smell the coffee, most of us figured out before third form that the Easter bunny doesn't exist. Unless of course the Easter bunny is the pet bunny of Santa Claus and it's actually the elves that deliver the eggs, and the rabbit is white because it snows a lot at the south pole and the eggs are decorated in pretty little colours cos Santa Claus has magic chickens cos Mrs Claus feeds them magic chicken food made up of the minced meat of all the little boys and girls who have been bad this year cos last year they got a tricycle in there stocking instead of a duel suspension, six inch travel Keewee downhill bike which they asked for. Oh yeah, no ride this weekend.

Sat10^th / Sun 11^th Thrill seeking. This is still formulating in the committees sick and twisted minds. At the present we have a number of considerations. Our panel of experts are investigating tying tubes together and floating down a waterfall, bouldering / rockclimbing, snorkelling, kayaking, two day cycling extravaganza, jumping out of a plane, all of the above. If you have any crazy or sane ideas please talk to us, If you have no ideas but are interesting and a knowledgeable person please talk to us, if you've got big hips and nice tits please talk to me. Oh yeah we are looking for something thrill seeking to do cos it's the holidays!

Sat 17^th 10:00 Kakariki Valley. Some munta called Neil is taking this ride, don't let it put you off though, the intention is for a ridedidlyicously good time. The beauty about this one is that it's so damn close to Hamilton. You get to sleep in, bake your cake, Come for the ride, and eat your cake. This will be a entertaining loop around some nice and technical four wheel drive tracks, which are owned by the 4WD club. You'll be green if you miss out on Kakariki. But wait there's more! Or less than nothing else to say about this one.

Sun 25^th April 6:30 and 42 seconds AM 42^nd Traverse, Close to Mount Ruapahu etc. This one is an epic beauty which follows a four wheel drive track through the termoulderous Tongariro Forest. The bit that many of us look forward to is the fact that it starts high and ends low, and for all you non management students out there this means that it's mostly down hill so even if it takes a while, you don't get so tired. This ride appears to be a favourite, so much so that Jumpy Jen, Massive Martyn, shoelike Sheryl, Jewels Jarrod have all volunteered to execute this expedition. But wait there's more? The famous Daniel Lynch has been contracted to ride with us for those of you who do not follow the international world of downhill mountain biking, Daniel lynch has not lost a National championships race in two years. Wow my hero.

The guys and gals in the know are:

President

Sheryl Macleod Ph 855 9684

Vice President

Jarrod Ho Ph 856 0299

Treasurer

Neil Kerrison Ph 855 9684

Secretary

Jen Moffatt Ph 858 3660

Committee

Andrew Sheerin Ph 843 9647

Martyn Simons Ph 856 8355

Rachel Ph 855 9684

Patrick McLaughin Ph 824 6181

Well, in future newsletters, this column will be used to provide a summary of what is happening in other clubs and the general MTBing world of NZ. At this early stage of the year there is only a few things to report on.

People in the know will be aware that the Hamilton MTB club has ‘acquired’ some land near Pukete for 3 years. With this land, they intend to create a MTB park/track for us urban dwellers to play on. It may also play host to a race series some time in the future. But don’t bother trying to find it just yet! All you’ll find is a big patch of gorse! Give they guys a few months to do their thing. The WUMBATS have graciously offered their services for any track building days (and that includes everyone!). Listen out for further developments.

The grapevine tells us that over summer many new tracks have miraculously appeared in some of our favourite spots – Rotovegas, Big Rock (& Tokoroa). Come along on the rides to experience these new wonders of the world.

That’s all I can think of for now, but hopefully by next time a few other club newsletters will shed some light on the topic of ‘what’s happening?’.

See ya on the trails Jarrod

Collingwood took a van load of us down to Wellington. From the time we left to the time we arrived the conversation revolved around cycling. After 7.5 hours on the road we arrived at the motel.

Saturday we all veged out and carbo loaded for what was said to be the ride of all rides.

7.30am Sunday morning, up bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to go but true to form, it was raining. On arriving at the Karapoti carpark no one wanted to get out in the cold rain, and the biggest dilemma was what to wear as no one in the van had done the ride before.

The rain continued to fall during race briefing and for the first hour of the race. The start finish area was across two rivers which claimed a few riders for an early morning swim. After a wet start, riding was easy through mud and rocks until the huge hills, Deadwood, the Devil's staircase and Dopers all of which involved large degrees of walking and carrying of bikes. I was feeling good coming to the first drink stop, only to be told it was only half way. But could look forward to a 9km downhill.

Knowing that I had reached the top of the last 600 metre climb was a great feeling, nothing but 20km of easy riding to the line 'right'. Just 2km from home I got a puncture on one of the hundreds and thousands of rocks.

Charging in the river for the last time and across the finish line, covered in mud, wet to the bone, but smiling from ear to ear.

A great event highly recommended to any one. A little advice 'TRAIN HARD'.

Patrick McLaughlin

Welcome to the JEN-ZONE. Every six weeks I will take you on a journey of what’s hot (or not), the weird, the wonderful and just plain stupid.

However, my first port of call is to extend a warm welcome to all of our budding new mountain bikers, I was just like you at this time last year. I’m sure when you hit your first bit of single track you’ll get just as addicted to this crazy sport as the rest of us. And to all of the old fossils that are returning, it’s good to see you back and GO HARD.

COMPUTER GEEK STUFF

As you may or may not know some of our fellow members are currently off competing in the G-Shock National Mountain Biking Series (a definite hot)– and doing pretty well I might add. If you want to check out the results so far check out http://www.dirtbike.net.nz. There will be a full write up on how the guys and gals do in a later edition.

A site that is definitely worth checking out if you have a few moments to fill

in is the cybertech cycles site http://www.cybertechcycles.co.nz Here you’ll find out what’s happening in the NZ MTB scene along with stores, photos and heaps of other stuff.

The WUMBATS website is currently under maintenance but if you want to visit go to http://www.mountainbike.co.nz/clubs/wumbats for a wee lookee.

Just to prove that every day life is MUCH more dangerous than mountain biking we have the weird and wonderful DARWIN AWARDS

For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an annual honour given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

CANDIDATES

In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarising. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

(Honourable mention) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalised in Andover Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.

AND THE WINNER: PADERBORN, GERMANY

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents.

And last but not least

Jen’s tech tip for today:

If you pull your bike apart and can’t get it back together – find someone who can.

This is the WUMBATS gossip column where you have a chance to get back at that WUMBAT who jammed a stick in your spokes or put mud up your nose. Feel free to make up a story or tell a funny true one about them!!!(Good-natured of course.) All slanderous remarks and groundless rumours are welcome. Any submissions can be directed to Sheryl. Lack of submissions means she will make them up anyway

I have heard that the first round of the Nationals went well, the course was surprisingly technical and very tiring - any thoughts of 20 runs per day were just not sensible if you wanted to be able to move on race day. The big surprise was the winner of the elite men's DH Daniel Lynch (KEEWEE) who if you have seen ride would have thought "that guy has a death wish". Well not quite - he just really wanted to win! Nice one nutter.
 

A recent photo of Daniel